i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
