Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
