this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
