I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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