woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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