she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
