I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
