reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
