Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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