idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
