Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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