dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
