i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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