A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
