3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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