i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
