the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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