just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
