My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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