He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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