Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
