She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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