i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
