I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
