So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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