she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
