i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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