I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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