38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
