Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there is glitter all over my balls
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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