I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
