My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she woke up with a sticky ear
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
