I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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