i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
