is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
