All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
