You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
