Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
