i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
