you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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