Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
