Non-Jews are for practice
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
