i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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