I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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