i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
