Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
