did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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