for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize