is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
