Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
