we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
