There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
