What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize