I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He passed out mid-signature
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
