On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Life without a bra equals bliss.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
