i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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