2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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