You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
