I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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