I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
