I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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