Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
