I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
