grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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