I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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